Today, I want to talk about judgement. With the currently trending #dontjudgeme and #makeupchallenge, along with some recent events in my personal life, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what it means to love yourself.
I’ve been a little frustrated, to say the least, with what I’m seeing from the #dontjudgeme “challenge.” It has become a mockery of people who have distinct physical “flaws,” so to speak. What could be a very powerful message has turned into people making themselves as “ugly” as possible, and then transforming into a completely flawless person. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t it be washing away all the perfection and showing yourself for who you really are? I’m having a hard time understanding it….
With that being said, I’m a huge fan of the #makeupchallenge, also trending. This is a challenge in which women are posting selfies with half their face made up, and half completely bare. While the original message was to say “Hey, I’m me, and I love me, but I also love makeup,” the message I got hit much, much deeper. I did the challenge myself:
Let me just tell you how hard this actually was. Doing my makeup was fine, I’d say even 50% easier (ha ha), but once I got in front of my shitty front facing laptop cam, I instantly froze up. Why is this?
Underneath all that make up, I hide all of my superficial flaws. I hide my pink skin, my overly plucked eyebrows, my shiny nose, the bags underneath my eyes. The list goes on and on. Sitting in front of my webcam, I felt exposed. I felt the immediate anxiety that I may be judged. My hair looks weird here, my arm looks disproportionate there. We hold ourselves these days to such high standards, posting only the best sides of us, showing no one these so called flaws.
I can’t hardly run to the gas station without feeling the pressure to fully make myself up. Talk about anxiety. Digging even deeper, not only do we hide our skin deep flaws, but we hide all the pieces of ourselves we don’t find flattering and opt for the best photo we spent hours perfecting to represent who we are to the world, by making that our profile picture on Facebook. The image of what it is to be you. I am guilty of it as well.
Since January, I’ve been trying to confront these pieces of me that I don’t like. That I am scared to show other people, because I’ve learned that the second I show someone my crazy, they leave. I have now built a wall, showing people the smiling, bubbling personality, but saving my dark side for my dim lit patio, beer and cigarrette in hand. Much like my make up, I hide behind a very shallow idea of what it means to be me, never allowing anyone to scratch the surface on the person beyond the make up, beyond the “I’m great” in passing conversations, beyond the smiles.
The truth is, I’m done apologizing for my skinny legs, my too-young-to-have-that forehead wrinkle, my crooked bottom teeth, my sometimes bad days, my anxiety, my expect the worst attitude, and all my baggage. I’m done apologizing for all of these flaws, because I’m twenty-fucking-four. I’m young, and I am learning, and I am conquering one battle at a time, and IT’S OKAY to accept these unflattering pieces of me, because no one likes perfect. Perfect is boring, and if we were all “flawless” there would be absolutely no point to life at all.
So with all of that said, I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror, and even if it takes some time, learn to love the person looking back. Learn to love what’s on the surface, and what lies beneath it. We all have scars, we all have dark sides, we all have some perception of ourselves that has been molded by this world and the standards it has created, but you owe it to yourself to stop supressing the true individual you are to meet someone else’s idea of perfection. You are the perfect you.